Some couples who want to have a child may encounter not only physical, but also psychological infertility. In this case, among other things, we can talk about the incompatibility of partners. What does it mean? And how to understand in advance whether you are compatible? Explains the perinatal psychologist.
From the point of view of the survival of the human species, the desire to have a child and the desire to realize their reproductive task – this is normal and natural. One of the goals of creating an alliance between a man and a woman is precisely in a mutual desire to become parents. Perhaps this desire is far from always realized by the future mom and dad and they need time in order to “grow”.
I worked for a long time with pairs that were faced with the so -called infertility of obscure genesis. This is a rather curious diagnosis when, from the point of view of physiology, both partners are healthy and there is not a single visible reason that could prevent conception. But time goes on, and the long -awaited pregnancy does not occur.
Usually in such cases they begin to talk about partners incompatibility. This happens, but a little not in the sense that is usually meant.
The fact is that the reproductive system has three components:
The psychological component is of great importance, therefore, at the stage of preparation for pregnancy, it is important to pay special attention to it.
What is the incompatibility of partners?
1. Partners are different about parenthood
And their education models categorically diverge.
2. One of the partners “Not Dorgical” to a new role
He carries a lot of fears, doubts, simply is not ready to become a parent, but this is thoroughly hiding.
3. Partners have developed children-child relationships
For example, the husband plays the role of dad for his wife, or the wife takes the position of mother for her husband. In this case, for a child in this family system there is simply no place. This is often observed in cases where the pair has a significant difference in age.
4. One of the partners has problems with parents
He may have a neurotic relationship with his father and mother or he could still not go through a separation from them. The desire to prove something to his parents prevents him from being responsible for the child.
5. One of the partners has an injury associated with the child-child sphere
Finding out the causes of psychological infertility, you can get rid of it. But there is a way that allows you to check at the early stage of the relationship whether in your pair of risk to encounter the infertility of obscure genesis.
“Test” for compatibility
This method will allow you to gain time and thoroughly prepare for parenthood, even if you do not plan it in the near future. Make the following:
1. Get to know your partner’s parents and pay attention to the relationship within the family
Whether these relations are filled with respect and trust? What model of family and child-child relationships is accepted in his family? Is it close to you or is it categorically not? Do you accept your partner’s parents? Do not forget that this is the future grandparents of your child, he will carry the features and genes of a kind.
2. Discuss with your partner attitude towards children
What does a child mean to you? And for a partner? Whether your values and vision of education coincide or diverge? Unfortunately, they begin to think about it and argue already when it is too late.
3. Write out all the fears and doubts that concern your parent’s role, and ask your partner to do the same
Are there such points among this list that cause a desire to shrink, hide or run away? If so, I recommend that you contact the perinatal psychologist and work out.
4. Think about whether you are accepting all qualities in your partner
There is something that you cannot approve or forgive? If so, follow the recommendations from the previous point.
If your attempts to get pregnant are unsuccessful and working with the psychological aspect did not help, but you decided to stay together, then I recommend thinking about the foster parental.
For myself personally, I always spend such a test – I ask the question of how a couple relates to adoptive parental. If a man and a woman categorically deny him https://onenglish.com.br/servicos/ and insist him on IVF, then I conclude about the unpreparedness of this couple to be parents at the moment. But other experts can think differently, and the decision in the end is for you.
